Bittersweet Ceremony
by Led Feynman M.D. D.D.S. Ph.D
Summary: Of course Azula is happy for Ty Lee. But when is it her turn to be happy?
1. Ceremony

When Azula sees the dress Ty Lee will wear she nearly falls over. She wasn't there when she picked it out; Mai had been responsible for that. She wishes she'd been there to see her try it on, but in the meantime she's thankful to be helping her put it on, for whatever it's worth. It's mostly pink (no surprise) with lots of red trim and frills. When she puts it on it hugs her body in a tantalizingly sexy way.

Ty Lee lifts it out of the box and shows it off first. She dances a bit, holding the dress to her body like she's wearing it. Azula follows her erratic movement around the room. She wants to join. As soon as Ty Lee steps behind the privacy panel to put on the dress Zuko knocks on the door and calls Mai away, leaving Azula alone, separated from a mostly-naked Ty Lee by a sheet of paper and wood. It's torturous. After an agonizingly long amount of time Ty Lee finally step into view, holding most of her dress on. She asks Azula for help with the back. Azula's mind races with possibilities. There's no way she can't reach the ties herself, right? Maybe the dress is too restrictive. Or maybe she wants Azula to be close to her. She tries not to think about running her hands down those creamy shoulders while she works the ties on the back of the dress. Ty Lee says it's very tight and Azula apologizes and offers to adjust the knots. Ty Lee says it's fine and explains that the dress is supposed to be tight. When Azula tells her she looks beautiful in it Ty Lee agrees with her and swishes towards the vanity table.

They start applying makeup. Ty Lee wants to go for a minimal look. Through sheer force of will Azula keeps her hands from trembling as she applies creams and powders to Ty Lee's face. They make eye contact far too often, at least as far as Azula is concerned. Ty Lee doesn't seem to be bothered by it. Azula tries not to spend too long on her lips. They're too beautiful, even without makeup. She bites her own in discomfort. Ty Lee tells her she got lipstick on her teeth. Azula does her best to ignore the taste as she works.

While Ty Lee inspects her face in a mirror, Azula stands to the side trying not to look awkward. Ty Lee tells her she did a great job and offers to touch up her lip but Azula declines. Thankfully, Ty Lee is talking so there isn't an uncomfortable silence between them. Azula knows that would end badly. Instead she listens with interest as Ty Lee goes on and on and on. She's trying to listen to what she's saying while simultaneously ignoring what she's talking about. She knows she shouldn't, that she should just accept the circumstances she's in, but she wants to hang onto the magic as long as she can. It hurts to think about.

She thinks about Ember Island. She doesn't particularly enjoy Ember Island, at least not the party scene. Azula preferred to spend time in the beach house, watching the ocean or reading a book. She remembers the time Ty Lee fell asleep on her while she was reading in the lounge. It felt so comfortable, the way their breathing synchronized after a while. The sounds Ty Lee made as she slept. When she woke up she apologized profusely but Azula insisted it was fine. After that Azula found that Ty Lee seemed more comfortable with her. They'd gone to the market the next day and Ty Lee held her hand. It was only for a few minutes while she dragged her from stall to stall, but Azula's heart skipped nonetheless. That night they stayed up late and talked about everything from animals to dreams to stuff they did when they were kids. Even years later Azula thinks that that was the day that changed how she felt about Ty Lee.

That's where Azula wants to be. Not helping the woman she loves get dressed for her wedding.

* * *

Mai finds Azula at the bar. She's hunched over the glass of clear drink in her hands. Mai takes the seat next to her.

"Sorry for abandoning you like that, something came up."

"What happened?" Azula says, mostly to her drink.

"Zuko is a terrific father and everything, but there are still some things that even he can't do."

"Like what?"

"Breastfeed." She pauses to ask the barkeep for a glass of water. "That must have been awkward, you and her alone like that."

"What are you talking about? Everything's fine. It wasn't that awkward."

"Azula, why did you even bother to come? I can tell it's tearing you up."

"Because..." Azula lifts her glass to her mouth but does not drink from it. "Because she asked me too. She's my friend, above anything else." She sets the glass back down.

"I think there are special exceptions for cases like this." Mai waits for Azula to respond, then continues. "I mean, if you want to leave, I'll cover you."

"No, it's fine. I'll stay. This is her big day and it wouldn't be fair to run off because I can't handle my own feelings."

It takes Mai a few seconds to figure out how to respond. "Well... Okay, I guess."

"It's fine. I'll just... avoid her and her husband-to-be for the rest of the night. And then for the rest of my life." She again lifts up her drink but stops just short of her lips, as though she's projecting a force field from her mouth. Mai grips Azula's shoulder and leans in.

"I'll tell her you had a headache, or food poisoning, or menstrual cramps. I'm serious Azula, you don't have to be here."

"Get off me. It's alright Mai; I was being dramatic before. It's not a big deal. I'm mostly over her anyway."

"Right; Mostly." Mai's hand slides down Azula's arm as she gets up to leave. "Vows start in fifteen minutes. I have to go get ready."

"Have fun," Azula mumbles while waving lazily in Mai's direction.

* * *

The actual proceedings took much longer than Azula anticipated. Twenty minutes after she found a seat in the back corner of the cathedral she was still staring at Ty Lee and her fiancé holding hands on the altar. Was he still a fiancé? Had they been pronounced yet? Azula was watching the minister's mouth move but she wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying. It was torturous, as though the minister had picked the biggest book she had specifically to draw out the ceremony and force Azula to watch every moment.

Mai was standing behind Ty Lee, hands clasped in front of her and frequently glancing between the seat Zuko had been sitting in before he had to take Izumi outside and the far corner, where Azula sat glazed over like she was paralyzed. Mai looked pretty in her Prime Matron dress but Azula wasn't in love with her and also she was married to Azula's brother she she was off-limits.

A year and a half ago Azula had been Mai's Prime Maiden. She remembered standing awkwardly behind her, watching Zuko stutter through his vows and smugly priding herself on how well she'd written them for him. Zuko couldn't write a recipe for a glass of water. She found it more than humorous that when Zuko kissed his bride he did so with his sister's words on his lips. Three times Azula glanced into the crowd and swore she could feel Ty Lee's eyes on her. One time she was right, and Ty Lee gave her a smile and a subtle wave and Azula's heart melted, and she looked at the back of Mai's head hoping no one was paying attention to her. No one except Ty Lee. Her mind had raced and in her head she replaced Zuko in his classy robes with herself in an iridescent blue dress and Mai with Ty Lee, wearing a coral gown that flowed past her feet and had to be carried by a small army consisting of her nieces. There was no way she'd give her future wife anything less.

Six months after that Ty Lee introduced Azula to her new boyfriend, a son of a minor nobleman whom she had met at the Summer Solstice festival. Azula's chest burned as she bowed politely to the man courting the woman she'd been in love with since last year.

The man sitting to Azula's right looked old enough to have been a general at the beginning to the Hundred-Year War, and throughout the proceedings he seemed to shrink into a pile of robes, snoring softly, until the woman sitting next to him poked him awake with her walking cane. Azula had no idea whose family he was with. She also didn't care.

The rage that burned her heart had long since faded, replaced with a dull ache that lit up with little prickles of nausea when she saw Ty Lee kiss her boyfriend or hold his hand or when she talked about him. When she broke the news of their engagement Azula got home and threw up, cried, then drank a bottle of gin and passed out in front of Zuko's bedroom. She wasn't proud of that night but she remembered it as the night she looked into her friend and sister-in-law's eyes and admitted for the first time to a living human that she was desperately in love with Ty Lee and how much it hurt to see her with someone else. Mai attempted to comfort her to the best of her ability (she spent half an hour offering her food then told Azula that Ty Lee probably wouldn't have reciprocated).

Azula blinked back to the wedding. The old man next to her was now snoring again, the minister was still droning on (Azula wondered how many breaths she'd taken during her whole speech). Ty Lee looked so beautiful in her dress and her fiancé was so handsome and his smile was so genuine and warm and for the first time Azula considered that maybe their relationship was actually based on love and friendship and mutual attraction and wasn't in fact the result of a cruel and malignant universe that fought to kill every sapling of hope Azula ever held in order to drive her to the brink of insanity again and again and again until she lost her footing and plummeted into the depths of her stunted and depraved mind never to be seen again.

Standing at the other end of the room on the altar, Mai sighed imperceptibly as she watched Azula stand up quietly and exit the hall through a side door. She found herself in a long service hallway running parallel to the length of the cathedral. At the very end was a door signed Maintenance Only. She opened it and stood still in the silence of the room until she saw a door marked Stairs. She went through.

By navigating narrow service corridors and winding staircases Azula landed on a small rooftop platform overlooking the city spread out before her, the city of Jiubal which was where Ty Lee's new husband grew up.

Ty Lee's Husband. The phrase felt prickly and ragged as it passed through Azula's mind. Ty Lee wasn't supposed to have a husband. Azula hopped over the short railing separating the platform from the angled surface of the rooftop, onto ancient clay tiles older than her family's dynasty. The night was silent and pleasant, and a cool breeze rolled lazily over the top of the cathedral, wrapping Azula's loose dress around her legs and tugging at the twin locks of hair on either side of her face. She reached back and undid the fancy bun Mai had put her hair into that afternoon, guiding her now-free hair out of its shape and over her shoulders.

Azula stopped at the crest of tiles marking the highest part of the roof surface; the steeple behind her notwithstanding, then brought herself down, sitting on the hard ridge and gazing out over the city, barely lit save for expensive gas streetlights burning in the nicer parts of town. Above her, the stars stretched forever. Azula followed the pearly streak of the Milky Way up, tracing out the constellations that she knew. She picked out the curving body of the Eastern Dragon, the boxy shape of Zhang's Chariot, the hazy blotch of Yongjari. Azula never took the time to study the constellations, preferring to learn about the ones she found interesting or relevant. The more she stared into the sky, the more stars seemed to fade into existence before her eyes. She began to create her own constellations, filling in the gaps between the ones she knew. Three stars in a line made a sharp throwing knife. That quadrilateral was the cradle of a royal baby. The jagged streak was lightning arcing through the sky. A bright red star was the broken heart of a woman who didn't think she had one. Azula sighed, staring upwards into the sea.

There were so many stars. There was only one Ty Lee.

* * *

This isn't connected to any other story I've written (So far); it just sort of popped into my head and this was the only way to get rid of it.


	2. Engagement

SURPRISE BITCH

* * *

The sky is dark by the time Azula gets to the tea house. Ty Lee and Mai are already there. She spots them in a small table in the corner and in a few seconds she's sitting across from Mai. Ty Lee is on her right. They've been there a while. Mai pours a cup for Azula as she explains that she was stuck proofreading a speech Zuko was to deliver in the Earth Kingdom tomorrow, causing her to be late. Ty Lee says it's okay and that she and Mai spent the time talking about names for the baby. Mai's frumpy robe and posture hide the fact that she's eight months pregnant.

Azula tells Ty Lee she likes her scarf. It's certainly not cold enough outside to warrant a scarf, but it's one of those lighter fashion scarves. Withholding bile, Azula asks if Ty Lee's boyfriend got it for her. Ty Lee turns pink and her hands go to her neck when she says that it is. A server comes to their table and asks Azula what she wants to drink. Azula asks for a glass of wine. There's a basket of fried food in the center of the table. Azula reaches for one when Ty Lee pushes her hand away and tells her that they're cheese sticks. Azula doesn't need to be reminded why that's a bad idea, least of all from Ty Lee.

Mai eats a piece of fried cheese and tells Ty Lee that she's unusually giddy tonight. Ty Lee shrugs and laughs a little. Azula tries not to lose herself in her eyes. The server brings a glass of wine and Azula barely acknowledges it. She's watching Ty Lee, who's explaining that tonight is a special night. She wanted to make sure her best friends were there. Azula interrupts and asks what's special about tonight. Ty Lee looks at her and smiles and says that she's glad that she asked. Her lips are such a perfect shade that Azula's heart melts. Ty Lee confirms Mai's observation and tells her friends that she has big news. With two hands she unwinds the scarf around her neck to reveal a hair-thin silver chain around her neck.

For a few seconds the world around Azula seems to freeze. She looks over at Mai, whose eyes are nearly perfect circles. Ty Lee has a timid smile on, which Azula would normally find too cute. This time it passes right over her. Mai congratulates Ty Lee and Azula remembers to look pleasantly surprised a fraction of a second before Ty Lee turns to her with a massive smile. Azula mutters a few half-hearted congratulatory phrases as her head swims. The world is tilting to the left and everything sounds so far away. For a moment she thinks about Ember Island, about Ty Lee telling Azula she'd rather be holed up in a beach house with her that at some beach party. That same girl is now in front of her, showing off her engagement necklace. Azula is glad she didn't eat the cheese.

Mai orders drinks for the three of them. Ty Lee is telling them about how she wants her wedding to go. Azula is swimming in and out of awareness. She chokes down a small sandwich so the loss of her appetite doesn't betray her emotions. Ty Lee tells Azula she thought that Mai could be her Prime Matron since Azula was the Prime Maiden at Mai's wedding and that she hopes she doesn't mind. Azula shakes her head very hard and tells her she does not mind. Ty Lee promises she'll be Azula's Prime Matron and Azula wants to die.

As the night drags on Azula somehow resists the urge to drown herself in alcohol. Mai tells the two she's tired and needs to get sleep. She bids them good night a final congratulation to Ty Lee when she leaves. It's just Azula and Ty Lee now.

Through sheer force of will Azula survives the next half-hour. She can feel the pieces of her heart writhing inside her chest as she lets herself in through the palace's side door. When she dreamed about Ty Lee's wedding, she pictured herself playing a very prominent role. There's a toilet down the hall from the side door. Azula enters and ejects the sandwich from her body, along with a glass of wine and two fingers of very expensive bourbon. Tears run down her face. She's glad she kept it simple with the eye makeup, otherwise she'd look hideous. She's crying as she steals a bottle of gin from Zuko's study.

The library is too quiet when Azula drops herself into a lounge chair. She likes is that way. The glass is heavy in her hands and she's trying not to drop it; her fingers are shaking very hard. For the second time, she thinks about Ember Island. She put lotion on Ty Lee's back a couple of times. It was too perfect. A group of boys walked by and started trying to impress the girls. Ty Lee knew just what to say to get them to leave them alone. When Azula's skin burned Ty Lee rubbed aloe cream on the affected areas, even the places where you're not supposed to make eye contact while doing.

The glass in Azula's hands is empty and her throat burns. She sniffles as she pours another glass. She thinks about Ty Lee's boyfriend. Ty Lee had introduced them to each other for the first time two months ago but she knows they had been together long before that. Ty Lee kept him a secret. The glass is empty again.

Either way, he'd known Ty Lee for four months. Azula had known her since they were four years old. Azula thinks that if anyone is marrying Ty Lee, it should be her. It's just a question of seniority. The glass is empty again.

Six glasses go down in this manner. The seventh glass rests in Azula's hands. She stares dead ahead at nothing. Her face is finally dry, but her mouth is too. Without meaning to she throws back the glass and reaches down for the bottle. It's empty. She looks at it for a second. It's simply clear glass with a few drops of fluid inside.

Azula's face is too warm. When she sets the bottle down it almost falls over. Her head is swimming and she thinks a million thoughts but none of them are sticking around long enough to make sense of. She decides to talk to Mai.

When she stands up the alcohol seems to hit her at once and she almost falls over. Suddenly Mai's bedroom seems so far away. She decides to try something more realistic and walks to the entrance of the library. As she grips the doorway tightly Ty Lee bubbles to the front of her mind. Azula gets the feeling that she's supposed to be upset about her. She doesn't think that's possible; she's been in love with her for more than a year. Mai probably knows why Azula is supposed to be upset.

Mai and Zuko's bedroom is a million miles away. By the time Azula reaches it she's shambling and drooling. Something smells like alcohol. There's a door to her right and Azula stops herself and knocks on it. She waits patiently for three minutes before she realizes that she's knocked on the kitchen door. She moves on. After almost an hour of looking she comes across the mighty doors of the Fire Lord and Lady. Azula remembers that she needs to talk to Mai and Walks up to the door. She stares intensely at it for a moment and decides that Mai isn't home. She remembers that Mai went out for drinks with Ty Lee earlier. They must still be out.

Reluctantly she backs away from the door until she's leaning against the wall. She'll just wait for Mai to get home then. It shouldn't be too long; she knows Mai said she had to go home earlier so she'll probably be back any s

* * *

When Azula wakes up she immediately suspects she's been attacked. Somebody had split her skull open with a metal bar, then proceeded to viciously beat her spine and shoulders. She groans in agony. Somebody near her says something.

"Are you alright? What happened?" It sounds like Mai. Azula cautiously opens her eyes. She swears she can hear them creak as she does so. Above her she sees the ceiling. Mai and her twin sister are hovering over her, but they're too blurry.

"Ow," Azula groans, clutching at her head.

Either Mai or her sister ask, "Were you drinking last night?" Azula nods and feels knives in her brain. "Okay. Come on, sit up. You're lucky you didn't throw up." There are hands on her arms and Azula blacks out momentarily as she's dragged upright against the wall. "How much did you drink last night?"

Swallowing spit to lubricate her throat, Azula manages to produce "Abodle." She flops her right arm.

"A bottle? Of what? Did you and Ty Lee share it?" Azula's vision is still too blurry and she can't figure out whether Mai or her sister is talking. She tries to shake her head and the pain nearly kills her.

"Jussme. Zukosjin."

"Zuko's gin? Wait, you drank an entire bottle of Zuko's gin? Here?"

"Uh huh."

Mai and her sister stand up so quickly Azula feels vertigo. "I'm going to get you some water, I'll be right back." They walk off, perfectly in step, and it suddenly occurs to Azula that Mai doesn't have a sister.

She doesn't know what time it is. She hurts all over, her mouth and throat feel sandy, and her mind is cloudy. Two glasses of water appear in front of her and it shocks Azula's perception enough that they collapse into one glass. Her eyes hurt so bad she squeezes them shut and takes the glass, managing to get at least most of the water down her throat.

"So you got home and drank? Was Ty Lee with you?"

"No, she went home." Azula's voice is raspy and gross.

"So, why?" Mai takes the glass back and carefully sits on the ground. Her belly is more noticeable than it was last night. Azula stares at it and shakes her head.

"Just... I just wanted to."

"You just wanted to? Azula, You're a mess. You weigh a hundred pounds; that much alcohol should have killed you. You're lucky to be alive."

Azula shrugs. "I had to.. to clear my head."

"From what?"

 _From nothing; mind your own business._ She shrugs again. Mai purses her lips, then sighs.

"Azula, are you... Is this about Ty Lee?" She leans forward. "Are you jealous?"

"I'm..." She can't finish that sentence. Not to Mai.

Not to the woman she's know since she was a toddler? How's that for trust. Mai is genuinely concerned and Azula been dealing with this secret for more than a year.

"Look... You can't let Ty Lee's relationships reflect on you, You can't expect to find a meaningful relationship by rushing to catch up to your friends. Sooner or later, you'll find your guy. Don't spend so much time worrying about how soon."

If Azula's head weren't being split into by an invisible wedge she'd laugh in Mai's face. Instead she drops her head into her hand and groans loudly, mostly out of pain.

"Mai, it's not..." Though she would never utter such vulgarity, the phrase _fuck it_ flashes into her mind. "I'm not jealous of Ty Lee."

To her credit, Mai waits patiently for Azula to continue, though Azula wishes she'd interject with a statement prompting further explanation, if only to make her revalation more dramatic.

"I'm more jealous of her boyfriend. Oh right, I guess he's her fiancé now." She rubs her face, squishing her cheeks up under her eyes as she listens for Mai's reaction.

"You're... huh?"

Azula goes for broke. "I'm in love with Ty Lee. I've loved her since last year. And I never said anything and now she's going to get married and she wants to be my Prime Matron even though she's the only person I want to marry." As she talks she shrinks smaller and smaller until her head is on her knees and she stares at the ground. Mai blinks.

"Um." She looks off to the side as if thinking about something. Suddenly, " _Ooohhh_." A year's worth of revelations.

Though relieved, Azula still feels like her stomach is tied up in knots. She still feels tears in her eyes.

"-So the afterparty at my wedding?"

"Yep."

"That night at the Winter solstice festival?"

"Yes."

"Oh my gosh, Ember Island."

Azula's face is buried in her arms. She's crying and not even trying to hide it.

Mai reaches over and pets Azula's leg. "Azula..."

"Every time I see them together, it just... It hurts, Mai."

"Azula..." Mai is clearly out of her element. Ty Lee was always the one who dealt with Azula when she crashed and since that wasn't a good idea in this scenario Mai has to dig deep to think of comforting things to say. "It's okay... don't cry..."

"Ahhah I wish it were that easy, Mai," Azula says, almost a stilted laugh, lifting her head up. "This is just my life, you know. I get something good and then it goes away, like my Mom and my childhood and my throne. This is just another day for me."

Mai recognizes that right away. "Ty Lee didn't 'go away' from you, she chose to be wish a person she actually had feelings for. If you spent a year pining over her without ever actually acting on it, that's on you."

Azula shakes her head, still bearing a distressed smile. "It's not just... It's about symbols. I looked forward to seeing her. I loved spending time with her. Now she's going to be with her husband and I can't be a part of that anymore."

"Well," Mai sighs, "Find new symbols. Are you hungry?"

"No."


	3. Vom Ember Island nach Republic City

Though Zuko was terribly ashamed of it and would never admit to it he'd lost Azula's release paperwork on his desk for nearly a month. He rationalized it by convincing himself that she was better off in prison than puttering around the palace or wherever she landed when he got around to pulling her out.

Ultimately, it was Ty Lee who convinced him to deal with her, though not intentionally. She'd come over to visit Mai and casually mentioned having seen a play with her "Totally Platonic" Friend. Zuko hadn't even been paying attention at the time but he'd said something really embarrassing just after she brought it up so later in the evening when he replayed the conversation in his head he lighted upon the memory of Ty Lee describing the play she'd seen. In half a second he'd traveled back in time to a distant memory of his mother dragging both him and Azula to see some boring play that was so important to her. Two people had dressed as dragon gods and danced around on stage while Azula set part of a chair on fire.

He didn't bother telling Mai where he was going, he simply pulled on a robe and left the palace.

* * *

Some years ago Zuko had met a scientist who was working on a somewhat controversial hypothesis; the idea that humans had somehow evolved from lower animals. His work was promising and inspired several institutions across the Fire Nation to dig through their archives in search of any references to animals giving birth to humans, but for various reasons no such records were found. While this scientist suggested that humans had descended from upright bipeds such as apes, Zuko frequently found himself wondering whether his sister Azula had in fact descended from cats instead.

The comparison was apt to the point of being uncanny. Ever since he'd pardoned her and brought her to the palace she spent all her time wandering around in the dark, lying in warm places, ignoring people, eating at strange times, and breaking things. He didn't give much thought to this behavior, though he did order his service staff to be on the lookout for dismembered animals. They never found any.

Once again, Ty Lee had pushed Zuko forward. She confronted him in his study one morning while he was reading a study on the effects of factory run-off chemicals on nearby populations. He was happy for the distraction, as the report was rather dull and somewhat annoyingly made a point to reference local mythological figures as positive effectors of pollution.

"Azula isn't doing very well," Ty Lee stated bleakly, and Zuko couldn't decide whether to lower the documents and deal with what she was saying or raise them to his face and ignore her. As a compromise, he lowered the documents, raised them to his face, dropped them on the arm of his chair, pinched his forehead, and swore.

"I told you she needed more time." He swore again. Ty Lee hesitated.

"N-no... No, she needed to get out of prison. Zuko haven't you seen her lately?" Zuko shrugged in a weird non-committal way. "She spends all of her time wandering around in the dark, lying in warm places, ignoring people, eating at strange times, and... breaking things."

"So do cats. What's your point Ty Lee?"

"That's my point; ever since you brought her back she's been acting exactly like a cat, and that's not normal for a human." Zuko sighed for the eighth time, and for a second Ty Lee wondered just how much of Mai's personality rubbed off on him.

Zuko fell forward into his hands, and pulled at his hair for a while. "Well, what should I do? I could try and find her a therapist." Ty Lee bit her lip and didn't say anything. "I don't know how effective that'll be, since in this timeline electroshock therapy is the forefront of psychological therapy."

"Let me," Ty Lee said suddenly, cutting Zuko off in the middle of his potentially fourth-wall breaking rambling.

"Let you what?"

Ty Lee sighed. "Zuko, let me try to take care of her. She needs a friend. Who better than me?" She smiled awkwardly as Zuko stared. "You're too close to her, and I don't think Mai is going to want anything to do with her." Suddenly she was back to business. Zuko almost sighed, but caught himself in time and groaned quietly instead.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well... she needs a change of pace. A break from her normal life ought to help me push her in a positive direction."

"She needs a vacation;" Zuko interjected, stating the unsaid. Ty Lee nodded cautiously.

"...That's a good way of putting it."

Zuko sighed again, rubbed his face, then stood up. "Come on." He shook out his leg and gestured for Ty Lee to follow him out of his study. She reluctantly went after him. They went down the hallway and around the corner, and Ty Lee realized they were going into Zuko's office

Ty Lee stared awkwardly at a painting on the wall as Zuko rooted around in his desk. "I like this painting," she mumbled.

"Thanks," he said, coming up beside her with his hand held out. Ty Lee reached for it and Zuko dropped a heavy key in her hand. "Mother found it at a thrift store."

"Oh. What's this for?" She held up the key.

Zuko took a step back and turned to walk out of the office. "It's for the vacation house, on Ember Island."

* * *

The clouds are too thick to see anything in the sky aside from a hazy glow just above the horizon in front of the Moon. Ty Lee keeps glancing at where the Moon was supposed to be as she walks quickly along the boardwalk. The ocean roars softly to her right.

She sighs in relief when she sees a figure up ahead, leaning on the railing looking over the ocean, and speeds up walking towards them.

"Azula," she calls, and the figure glances over before suddenly shrinking away and huddling over the railing. Ty Lee stops just a few yards away from her. An awkward silence passes. Azula stares at the ocean in front of her and chews her lip.

"Is... Is it true?" Ty Lee ventures, setting a hand on the rail. Azula closes her eyes and drops her head.

"Yeah," she says quietly, after a few seconds of thought.

Ty Lee nods and turns towards the ocean. "Yeah," she repeats to herself. Azula sighs next to her.

"I... I'd really hoped I could tell you at a better time." Her head drops again and she fidgets with her hands.

"Well," Ty Lee begins, gripping the railing tightly, searching for words.

"I guess I wanted it to be more special." Ty Lee nods in response, then quickly looks over at Azula.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

Azula shrugged. "I wanted it to be a bit of an event. We'd do something fun together or something, and then I'd... tell you how I feel." She's hiding it, but her hands are shaking with nerves. Ty Lee stares, and her mouth hangs open.

"You can't... when did you want to do this?" She turns so she's facing Azula.

"I don't know. The Equinox festival is coming up. I bought tickets." Azula stands up and tugs on her jacket. "I figure, the longer I wait, the harder it's going to be."

Ty Lee stands in bewilderment, staring at the side of Azula's face. "Azula, you can't... be serious. You can't be serious." She laughs anxiously. Azula turns.

"What? Ty, I... I love you!" Her hands are out towards Ty Lee, and she steps closer. Ty Lee retreats a step, gripping her braid, still laughing. It's purely a nervous reaction, though Ty Lee still feels terrible. She puts a hand over her own mouth as Azula stares in dismay.

"Azula, I'm married!" She squeaks, losing control of her voice.

"I know that! But Ty-" Azula reaches out to grip Ty Lee's arm. "I love you, Ty! I imagine our life together, and- and my heart aches. I see you in my dreams, Ty. If you could just give me a chance, one chance to show you how I could-" She stops suddenly when Ty Lee shakes her hand off.

"Azula, I love my husband." She's stopped laughing, and her expression is grim. "I love you too, but not- I mean, you're one of my best friends."

A gust of wind pushes both of them into the railings they're leaning on. Azula's mouth is still open; Ty Lee's is not.

"How long," Ty Lee says sternly.

"Ember Island," Azula breathes. Ty Lee narrows her eyes.

"Right after Zuko let you come home?" Azula nods. "That was two and a half years ago." Azula nods again, harder.

"I nearly died when you told us you were engaged. That should have been us, Ty. I should have told you sooner."

"It wouldn't have made a difference, Azula. I don't love you that way."

"Then let me love you enough for both of us. I only need one chance to prove myself! Please!"

Ty Lee snorts in surprise. "That- That's not how it works! Love needs to go both ways! You can't just- it doesn't work like that!" She sighs and leans sideways into the railing again, staring out into the ocean.

Azula chews her lip and inspects Ty Lee's face. She's beautiful and partially silhouetted against the moonlight reflecting off the clouds.

"You said- on Ember Island- that you wanted me to be happy. Ty Lee, you make me happy."

"That is not what I meant," Ty Lee groans, dropping her head into her hand in frustration. "I do want you to be happy. But I'm not going to break up my marriage for you. I won't do that, Azula, and I can't believe you're asking me to." She looks back up at the water. Azula looks down at the sand beneath the boardwalk. It shifts in the wind. She looks up at Ty Lee.

"Ty," She says quietly, and Ty Lee turns to look at her. Azula takes her by the arm and moves in to kiss her. Ty Lee punches her in the chest and steps away, gripping her own arms.

"Azula, what the hell!? Are you hearing anything I'm saying?" Azula clutches her chest and looks at the ground. "Stop trying to seduce me for a minute and fucking listen to me! I'm married, Azula! To an amazing man who loves me back. I don't love you that way, and you can't just beg me to!"

Nobody moves. Azula is bent over the railing and for a second Ty Lee is worried that she hurt her. Instead she stands straight up and looks at the horizon behind Ty Lee.

"You okay?" Ty Lee asks stiffly, reaching out to gesture where she punched Azula.

"We can't be lovers," Azula states, almost begrudgingly, hand still on her chest.

Ty Lee sighs and nods, relieved to see progress. "No. We can't."

"And we can't be friends," Azula says cryptically. Ty Lee looks up in concern.

"What? No, we can still be friends. Just like we were before."

Azula shakes her head slowly. "No... No, Ty Lee, I can't... be your friend." Ty Lee tilts her head, unsure if progress was indeed made. "As long as I feel this way."

"No, Azula, come on, quit being dramatic. People deal with this sort of thing all the time. It'll be... weird, but we can make it work."

"I can't live, like this, Ty Lee, so close to you but never able to reach you. You mean the world to me, maybe more, but if we try to go just being friends, it'll kill me, Ty." She fidgets with a button on her jacket.

Ty Lee blinks and looks down at Azula's hands.

"So... you can't be my friend."

"And you can't be my lover."

They stare at each other for a moment, not making eye contact but letting the situation settle over them.

"What does that make us?" Ty Lee asks, visibly uncomfortable with the direction of the issue.

"Well... If we're not girlfriends, and we're not friends... "

"We're strangers."

Azula leans heavily over the railing and Ty Lee copies the motion. The ocean stretches away from them.

"I can't believe this," Ty Lee mutters, running her hands through her hair.

"You're telling me," Azula retorts.

A breeze from behind the girls blows them against the railing. Both are staring at the sand beneath them. Azula stands up suddenly.

"I don't think I ever told you Ty Lee, but congratulations on your marriage." She doesn't break eye contact with the sand. Ty Lee slowly looks up at her.

"Th...thanks."

"And give my regards to your husband." Azula briefly looks up at the ocean then quickly down to Ty Lee then back to the sand.

"Yeah," Ty Lee says weakly. She stands up too, and they make eye contact for a fraction of a second. Azula takes a shaky step back.

"Good luck Ty," she says quickly before turning and walking briskly the other way down the boardwalk, pulling her collar up. "I'll see you around."

Ty Lee stares for a second as Azula walks away. "Where are you going?"

"To... talk to Mai."

"Oh... okay. Bye," she says softly to Azula's back, and it's the last thing she says to her for a long time.

* * *

As mothers tend to do Mai wakes up to the feeling that someone is in her infant's room. She quietly slides out of bed and nonchalantly rushes down the labyrinthine halls of the palace to Izumi's room. The door is open and her stomach sinks as she rounds the corner to see a dark shape standing over she crib. Her knives are in her bedroom so she decides on a sneaky takedown when the figure spins around and reveals her face.

"Fuck, Azula?" Mai stumbles to a stop, then takes two quick steps to stand over Izumi's bed. She's sleeping soundly, completely undisturbed.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Azula says, and her voice is so weak and personal that Mai immediately feels a rush of guilt. She takes Azula by the wrist and pulls her away from Izumi's crib, closing the door with a gentle click.

"I'm sorry, Azula, really. I didn't know she was there, I swear-"

Azula puts her hands over Mai's and pushes them down while she's talking. "It's okay- Mai it's okay. We talked." Mai blinks and takes a nervous step back.

"And?"

"And... I'm leaving." For the first time Mai notices the bag looped over Azula's shoulder.

"Leaving? For where? And why?" Azula just looks away for a bit instead of answering right away.

"I don't know. And I don't think it particularly matters where, as long as I'm away from her."

Mai stops for a beat. "From Ty Lee? Seriously?" Azula throws her shoulders in exasperation.

"I can't be close to her, Mai. Just seeing her breaks my heart, and talking to her made me realize... I can't live like this. It's going to kill me." She stares somberly at Mai's shoulder. Mai wonders what to say.

"I... I don't know what to say, Azula."

Azula just looks up at her and shrugs weakly. "Say goodbye."

"You're just going to run from this? Azula you've never run from a problem in your life."

"That's not true; I've run from all sorts of problems." Azula pauses slightly, organizing her thoughts. "The world has changed so much, from the one I was raised in. Even the problems are different. I wasn't trained in this; or anything like it. I'm utterly out of my element." She looks up at Mai, who's shaking her head in confusion. "There isn't room for people like me in your world, not anymore. So... I'll leave. I figure I'll either find a world where I fit in or I'll change enough to fit in a different world." She reaches into her bag and pulls out a stack of envelopes. "Give these to Zuko, please. Just a few upcoming speeches, to hold him over until he finds someone else to write them."

Mai stares at the envelopes, then looks back at Azula. "Azula, you really don't have to do this. You are welcome here, always. We all love you, no matter how hard you make it."

Azula just shrugs again. "I've made up my mind."

The two stand facing each other awkwardly until Mai pulls in Azula for an equally awkward one-armed hug. They lean together for a moment until Mai pushes them apart just as quickly.

"If you need to do this, then I guess I can't stop you," Mai states, crossing her arms. Azula nods and steps back.

"Bye, Mai. Take care of Zuko and Izumi for me."

Mai shakes her head. "What am I supposed to tell him?"

Azula points to the envelopes in Mai's hand. "That top one is for both of you. I was going to leave them with Izumi." Mai lifts the envelope and looks at her and Zuko's names on it. She shakes her head again and sighs.

"Goodbye, Azula. And please don't do anything stupid."

Azula laughs softly as she takes a few steps backwards then turns and walks away from Mai. "Weren't you listening? I already have."

Mai takes another look at the stack of envelopes, peeks into Izumi's room, and looks back just to see Azula turn the corner and disappear from her life.

* * *

The night is cool and breezy as Azula makes her way to the docks in the harbor. Waves gently beat the seawall and she sees a few small ships loading and unloading supplies. She approaches one, and a stocky man with a terrible mustache stops what he's doing and asks if he can help her. She asks him where he's going and after receiving a nod from the other guy he's working with he tells her. She gives him fifty Riels and boards the small boat that feels barely big enough for three people. An hour later she glances out of the cabin as the boat pulls out of the harbor and she sees the lights of her city disappear into fog.

Sunlight is glittering on the horizon when the boat comes to a gentle stop and Azula steps onto the dock and is very thankful to be on a semisolid platform. She stretches her legs, thanks the men on the boat, and sets off to the shore. The city around her is young but has grown rapidly in the near-decade since her brother established it, and even so early in the morning she can sense as the city comes to life.

Azula walks until she's completely lost, then keeps walking. None of the buildings around her are familiar at all; even the architecture is vastly different than in the Fire Nation. Her eyes burn from exhaustion, and she knows it will be a long time until she can sleep comfortably.

The events of last night are unfortunately fresh in her mind, and the more she wanders the more her mind returns to them; one long, terrible, frustrating, and humiliating clusterfuck that was long overdue. She feels her chest where Ty Lee punched her, hears her piercing shout, feels Mai's piteous gaze. She tries not to think about how joyous and gleeful Ty Lee was when she returned from her honeymoon. She represses memories of how pretty she was in her wedding dress. Thoughts of Ember Island are buried. Azula feels her face get hot.

There are more people on the street now, and a city worker is starting to put out the street lamps. A vise tightens around Azula, as if the people around her are crushing her with psychic power. Everyone knows that she's carrying her smashed heart in a paper bag, and they won't stop judging her for it. She uprooted her entire life to get away from somebody whom she currently can't get out of her brain. Everything around her is too different, yet everything reminds her of the person she's trying to forget. Panicking, Azula thinks of the one person she would normally turn to when anxiety strikes.

She ducks into a small side alley and walks a few meters. Nobody is around. Nobody is judging her. She drops her bag on the ground and slides down the rough stone wall of the building behind her, sinking into her hands. She cries quietly to herself into the morning.

* * *

Morning light sings brightly into Azula's room as she combs her hair down flat and tucks it into a loose topknot. She drops the comb on her tiny desk and pulls on a shirt before stepping out of the room, into a narrow hallway. At the end of the hallway is a staircase, and Azula descends the stairs into the pub.

It's empty except for a teenager sitting at the bar and reading a newspaper.

"Hey," she says to the boy, casually walking behind the bar, finding a teapot already made up for her. "Thanks."

"'Welcome," Tetsuo says, not looking up. Azula pours herself a cup and stands at the bar opposite from Tetsuo and his newspaper.

The words _Fire Daily_ are printed in large characters on the front of the paper and Azula tilts her head. "Is that a Fire Nation newspaper?"

Tetsuo lowers it slightly but continues reading it. "Uh, yeah. I had a subscription set up for us, since pretty much all of our patrons are Fire Nation or Firebenders. And, you know, you."

Azula just nods slowly and turns around. "Is there anything happening back there?" She sets a heavy pan on the stove, turns on the gas, and lights the flame with a swish of her hand.

""Well, uh, there was an earthquake in Otena. No one was hurt but it knocked over a statue in the town square."

"Otena... Yeah, I know where that is," Azula muses, placing two eggs on the counter.

"Ever been?"

"No. No?" She leans back against the countertop looking around the pub. Tetsuo turns the page, fumbling with it for a second. "What time should we open today?" she says suddenly.

"I don't know, same as yesterday? I thought we did pretty good."

With a shrug Azula walks to the other end of the bar to pick up a hat somebody left there the night before. "Didn't I tell you to pick this up?" She dusts it off and moves back towards the stove. Tetsuo looks up.

"I don't have to do everything around here." To this Azula stops in front of him, plucks the paper out of his hand, and leans across the counter at him.

She sets the hat on his head and pats it gently. "Sure you do."

Indignantly, Tetsuo picks the newspaper up from where Azula tossed it. "And why's that?"

"Because I'm older than you and I've been Firebending as long as you've been alive," she states, cracking the eggs into the hot pan. "And I know all the cool techniques."

Tetsuo rolls eyes and adjusts his new hat. "Are those the same techniques you've been telling me you'll teach me for the last two years? Because I'm starting to wonder if they aren't really that great."

"I've already taught you a lot of those techniques. You're extremely privileged to be one of the only people outside the Fire Nation royalty circle to know some of the things I've shown you."

"If that's true then where did you learn them?" Tetsuo retorts accusingly, propping his head on his chin.

With her back to Tetsuo, Azula simply smirks.

"For now, just know that I had friends in high places." She turns around and bends the top of the news paper towards herself so she can see what page Tetsuo is reading. "Births and death, huh? That's a hell of a juxtaposition."

Tetsuo nods. "Lots more births than deaths in this issue. I think that's a good sign." Azula just sighs.

"Out with the old, in with the n..." She drops off in mid sentence, twists her head to try to read the paper, then snatches it out of Tetsuo's hands.

"What?" he asks dumbly, and she doesn't respond. She holds the paper to her face, reading something furiously. Her mouth twitches as she does. "What, what are you reading?"

A strange look crosses Azula's face like she really doesn't want to be there. She glances around then walks off, still clutching the newspaper. Tetsuo stares at her as she goes.

When Tetsuo finds Azula she's sitting on the roof of their building reading and rereading an entry she'd torn out of the paper. He lowers the hatch and walks towards her. She turns but doesn't say anything at first.

"Everything alright?" he asks cautiously when he's an arm's reach from her. She sighs heavily, inspecting the torn-out entry. He sits down next to her.

"Tetsuo."

"Yeah."

Azula pulls her legs up towards her. "What's worse... Forgetting someone who used to mean everything to you, or carrying the pain of losing them for the rest of your life." She fidgets with the piece of paper, and for a moment Tetsuo isn't sure she really wants an answer from him. He waits for her to say something else, and when she doesn't he clears his throat.

"I'll let you know when I figure it out." He attempts to read the scrap she's holding but her hands are covering it. "When um, when Mom died I went through that phase where all I could think about was how hard it would be to have a normal life again. And I was like that for so long it was ridiculous." He rubs his thighs anxiously and looks at Azula. She's staring off across the alley behind the pub.

"...and then, well, things just started changing. I stopped seeing my friends. I left the village and moved here. I met you, and everything that happened after that. And as time went on, I was thinking of my mom less and less. And before I knew it..." He shrugs. Azula doesn't even nod. "This just became my normal. I still think of my mom every now and again. I'll see something or hear something that reminds me of her or something we did together. And it's sad... and sometimes I feel like I should have acted differently before she died, said smarter things, shown her what she meant to me. But, I remind myself that it's in the past. It's over and no amount of wishful thinking can take me back to that day. All I have of her are my memories, and I chose to focus on the good memories because that's what she'd want for me."

A light breeze tugs at the piece of paper in Azula's hand. She nods slowly as Tetsuo talks, waiting for him to finish. He sighs deeply when he does.

"I didn't have a relationship with my mother like you did yours," she states sternly, staring at the newspaper entry. "For a lot of different reasons." Tetsuo nods and looks over in mild surprise when Azula hands him the cutting. "You always wanted to know why I left the Fire Nation. Here you go."

 _The editors of this publication would like to extend a personal congratulations to Governor Zei of Jiubal and his wife Lady Ty Lee of Imperium on welcoming their first child Beidao at the governor's home on sunday the fourth. Their daughter weighed in at a healthy 3.2 kg and is the first child to be born in the Tsangtu family in five years._

Tetsuo rereads the entry and nods slowly. Azula holds out her hand and he places the paper in it.

"She was the reason I left."

"Lady Ty Lee?"

Azula smirks weakly. "She was just Ty Lee to me." She sighs. "I... loved her. More than I knew how to handle. But I couldn't convince her to love me back. And now she has a husband and a kid and I have a bar and shoulder problems."

"Loved her? Like...?"

"Like... yeah. She made me happy and I wanted to make her happy." Tetsuo just nods in understanding, adjusting his positioning so he's facing more towards Azula.

"And it didn't work out the way you wanted it to, so you left the Fire Nation and came home." Azula nods back.

The sounds of the city waking up echo around them. Azula thinks about that morning two years ago, landing in Republic City, lost and confused and heartbroken. She looks over at Tetsuo, who's looking intensely across the street.

"Have you ever been in love?" She asks, breaking the momentary silence.

"Once," Tetsuo responds with a shrug. "I don't know. We were pretty young. I think it just had something to do with her being the only girl in the village my age." Azula responds by pulling her knees into her chest and exhaling deeply.

"I could have had anyone I wanted. Almost anybody in the country would have been lucky to marry me. It just so happened that the one person I wanted was the one person who I couldn't convince."

Tetsuo raises an eyebrow and looks over. "Anyone in the country?" All Azula does is nod. Tetsuo sighs. "Well, I guess the lesson here is that you don't always get the things that you want."

"Then why does it seem like everyone but me is getting the things they want? Ty Lee got her husband, Mai got Zuko, Zuko got the family business... I'm the one who always gets left out of the things I want." Azula crumples the torn-out entry in her fist and grinds it into her other hand. Tetsuo leans back.

"Okay, well, I don't know who most of those people are, but how can you be sure that they didn't get the things they really wanted? Or that they got them in different ways that they thought? Like this Zuko guy, and the family business. What if he wanted to do something else? Like make clocks or pottery? Maybe he thought he wanted to one thing with the family business, and ended up inheriting it and doing something else with it?"

Azula leans forward and opens her mouth to argue, then freezes and places a hand over her mouth in sudden thought. Tetsuo gives her a moment to say something before he decides to continue.

"I don't know if you wanted to run a pub in Republic City when you left the Fire Nation. But can I just say that all things considered, you're doing a great job? Things worked out in some way, for some people. If you hadn't run away and landed here, you wouldn't have been in that alley that day I got jumped by those thugs. They could have killed me, or worse, if you hadn't been there!" Azula just nods along, thinking deeply. "If we hadn't started working for Mr. Lipin, he wouldn't have had anyone to give the pub to when he died. He'd have died alone if it weren't for us- for you." Tetsuo puts his hand on Azula's back, leaning in. "Maybe you didn't get what you wanted. That's sad; I hate to hear that. But you run the pub like a machine. You're the closest thing I have to a sister. You made a refuge for Firebenders all over the country right here. If that's not worth anything, than I don't know what is."

Azula stares at Tetsuo, then pulls away and looks at the paper crumpled up in her hands. Tetsuo is ready to concede defeat.

"I wanted her. For two and a half years, all I could think about when I was around her was... her." She holds up the ragged scrap of newsprint and it's battered by the wind. "I wanted her so badly I never stopped and thought about what she wanted."

This elicits a slow nod from Tetsuo. "Right."

"So... I guess maybe you're on to something. You don't always get what you want. And when you don't, it's better to accept it for what it is and move on."

"Yeah, that's right."

"And letting go of the pain of losing the one you wanted doesn't mean you have to let go of the love that existed, whatever it was worth."

"Yeah!"

Just then the newsprint is engulfed in fire. Tetsuo looks over in surprise as it burns black. Azula gazes into it with laser focus and within a few seconds the scrap of paper that weighed a million tons in Azula's hand is ash in the wind.

No one dares disturb the cathartic silence for a long time. Tetsuo coughs. Azula smiles weakly.

"You're smarter than you look, Tetsuo," she says, startling him.

"I- Well, thanks, Azula. You're pretty smart yourself."

Azula reaches over and shakes Tetsuo on the side of the head. "I thought I was supposed to be the one giving sage advice to the young ones."

"Like your advice can be considered sage."

"Training, advice, it's all the same," Azula says with a non-committal shrug. "So am I really like a sister to you?"I don

Tetsuo nods fiercely. "Absolutely. I didn't have one as a kid so this is what I imagine it's like." Azula laughs and pitches forward.

"Hold that thought, I need you to write it down and send it to my real brother."

Tetsuo's face falls. "You have a real brother?"

"Yep. And a half-sister, though I don't really know much about her." Azula grips her ankles and leans back, then looks to Tetsuo's surprised face. A thought crosses her mind.

"Am I a good teacher?"

"Uh, well, sure. I don't know how you learned some of the things you've taught me but I love learning them from you."

"As long as I'm handing out personal secrets today, did you know that I can bend lightning?" If Tetsuo could look any more shocked than he did at that moment, Azula would die to see it.

" _Lightning_? I thought only the royal family could bend lightning?"

"No, it's just illegal to do it unless you've received personal training and permission by someone in the royal family. Almost any Firebender can do it, really." She stands up and takes a few steps back across the rooftop, pulling up her sleeves. Tetsuo follows.

"So who trained you? How did you convince them to let you in on the family secret?"

"So the secret to bending lightning is in having harmony between your body and your chi flow. It's not as hard as it sounds."

She swings her arms fluidly, then thrusts them both out. A long electrical arc jumps between her finger tips, almost knocking over Tetsuo with a blinding flash and a scorching heat wave. He remains standing, thoroughly impressed.

"I've heard rumors about it but I've never seen someone do it in person. You have to teach me, please!"

Azula grins and bows to Tetsuo. He copies the gesture. "Like I said, the secret is harmony. Once you have harmony, you pull positive energy down one arm and negative energy down the other arm, like so." She demonstrates the proper motion for a moment, then stops to critique Tetsuo. His form isn't right, and she walks around behind him to correct it.

"It can be hard to separate the positive from the negative. Don't worry though, the more you do it the better you get at it."

* * *

I want to go ahead and send a shoutout to QueenTyZula for prompting me to finish this... It was on low priority for a while and I was definitely ready to hang it up after the second chapter. Thanks for supporting me.

To everyone else, thank you for reading.


	4. Not a Great FeelingFighting the Future

This stupid little story I started writing because the premise seemed interesting suddenly has a personal significance in my life, so there's that. Let's see where we can go with it. I really fucked up the timeline here so watch me pull a retcon.

* * *

For over six months Azula didn't bother to learn the name of Ty Lee's fiancé. She got into the habit of putting herself on autopilot whenever he came up in conversation anyway and she had never even met the man so she could at least pretend he didn't exist when she was alone with Ty Lee, as infrequently as that happened. Mai or Zuko were almost always close by.

That never stopped her from thinking about her. Everywhere she went she found things that reminded her of the woman in pink, whether it was a palace servant wearing her hair in a braid or a poster advertising a circus.

Azula had a stack of papers in one hand and a half-eaten apple in the other when she left the library, and nearly jumped when she glanced down the hall and saw a young man walking slowly in her direction. He wasn't a servant and the briefcase under his arm suggested he was in the palace on business.

"Excuse me," he said politely as he approached, "I'm looking for the Fire Lord's office. Can you tell me where that is?"

She jerked her head in the opposite direction down the hall. "I'm going there now." The man nodded and they set off.

"Thank you. I was so excited to meet him I never thought to figure out where to find him."

"Don't feel bad, he doesn't have a reputation for visitor convenience."

As much as Azula liked living in the palace and having all of her needs (well, almost) immediately met at any given moment she wasn't big on bumping into random strangers at weird hours in her pajamas. In exchange for convenience she'd traded privacy.

"This place is so big," the stranger said. "If I lived here I'd get lost all the time."

"Mmhm," Azula replied, completely unable to relate. "If you lived here long enough you'd be able to get around blindfolded."

The man laughed. His laugh was soft and disarming. Azula wondered why he was here.

Just then a door swung open in the hall ahead of them and Zuko slipped out, surreptitiously stuffing half a fruit pastry into his mouth. Azula stopped and Zuko looked the other direction down the hallway, noticing the pair.

"Your Esteemed Fire Lord," Azula stated with a sarcastically regal gesture and bow. Zuko's eyes went wide and he quickly brushed crumbs off his shirt while struggling to swallow the pastry. The stranger dipped his head in respect.

"Mmmmfffm. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone this early." He bowed quickly. "You must be Mak."

Mak replied to Zuko's bow with a deeper bow of his own. "That's right your Highness. It's an honor to just be in your palace."

"I've been reading your work and I'm excited to be meeting with you. Oh, congratulations on your engagement by the way, my wife and I were just talking about it."

Wow, thank you." Mak went a deep red color and Azula wondered how much longer she would have to endure this before she could leave. "Well, I'm pretty excited as well. Both for my engagement and to be working with you." Azula just rolled her eyes.

For the first time in this interaction Zuko looked directly at Azula. "I hope my sister didn't bite. She doesn't have a reputation for hospitality." Mak spun to face her so quickly his hair jiggled.

"Wait, you're Princess Azula?" he said in a mix of surprise and awe.

Azula stepped back with a hand on her hip. "Couldn't you tell?"

He bowed again. "I'm so sorry Princess, I didn't recognize you. I only know you by reputation." Azula just frowned. "Ty Lee talks about you a lot. I'm surprised I haven't met you already." Azula's mind raced to figure out how they all knew each other. Her stomach began to sink.

"You two haven't met?" Zuko asked, already a million miles away from Azula's mind. Time around her seemed to stop. She searched Mak's face for any kind of flaw, and found that he was simultaneously absolutely stunningly handsome and hideously grotesque. Everything from his durable hairline to his impractical smile clashed in Azula's brain and she blinked once.

She saw the blood running from his nose and mouth where her knuckles collided with his face. She blinked once. She smelled burnt hair with her hands on either side of his head. She blinked once. She felt her thumbs force their way into his eyeballs as the clear fluid inside them boiled away off his face. She blinked once. She hear Zuko screaming her name, pulling her off and dodging her erratic fireballs. She blinked once.

"It- it's nice to meet you," she stammered, watching the grin spread across his face.

"Yeah, it really is. You know Ty was just saying she wanted to introduce us. I love meeting her friends, she knows so many interesting people." Mak turned so he was no longer facing Zuko, who looked back and forth between the two of them as though he were hoping for an opportunity to slip away.

"That, uh, sure sounds like Ty. Lee." Azula took several unconscious steps back.

"She took me to a place she likes to go with you to, out in the north quadrant. We should talk about going for lunch sometime, just the three of us."

The restaurant in question was a little hole in the wall Azula and Ty Lee ducked into to escape a rainstorm a year and a half ago, just weeks after their vacation on Ember Island. Azula didn't care for the food but Ty Lee seemed to enjoy it, going so far as to finish Azula's bowl then insist on personally complimenting the chef. Ever since then Azula had never eaten there alone but the name came up whenever they were out on the town and Azula wanted to see Ty Lee happy, which was literally every minute she was awake. On hearing it referenced by this man, this disgusting loser with exquisite taste in women, Azula saw the building burning to the ground. The chef was crushed under a ceiling joist supporting the weight of the three stories above it. He spent six minutes under the rubble struggling before he died. His last words, spoken to nobody in particular, were to his daughter. Nobody heard them and they died with him.

"The thing is I'm actually out of town that day. Zuko, what were you saying about Mak's work? It sounded interesting."

"Oh. Uh, well, Mak has been compiling some data on the last few elec

Azula stopped pretending to pay attention the moment Mak looked towards Zuko. She stalked off down the hallway as fast as she could casually walk as Zuko trailed off behind her before turning his attention to Mak. A prickly heat flushed Azula's skin and she pulled her hair out of its bun and fought with her clothing to dispel the sensation but it wasn't leaving her.

Tears burned in her eyes and she dropped the apple and the stack of papers to the ground, ignoring the mess they made.

* * *

Outside the tiny room the worst blizzard Republic city has ever seen rages fiercely. Inside the tiny room Azula sits on the edge of her bed, staring into the darkness and listening to the wind pound on her window. A sudden gust slams into it with a loud Whump and the figure in bed behind her stirs from his sleep.

"Was that you?" he mumbles after a second.

"The storm," Azula says quietly, not turning around. The man behind her groans and shifts under the covers, struggling to pull them over himself.

"Aren't you cold? I'm freezing."

"I don't mind."

He sighs, apparently resigning his struggle. "I wouldn't have stayed if I knew you were going to leave the heat off."

"The heat is on, I just like to leave it low. And you're more than welcome to go home if you want to brave the storm."

A second passes and there's another sigh. He doesn't move after that. Azula rolls her eyes.

"Thanks for letting me stay, I guess."

"It's the least I could do."

They fall quiet again, and the storm continues outside. Azula considers turning up the heat but she dismisses the thought after she thinks of her gas bill.

"Did the storm wake you up?" The man says a minute later.

"No, I was just... thinking about things. I couldn't sleep."

"Oh no. Was I that bad?" Azula doesn't answer verbally, she just lets out a sharp sigh in frustration. "Okay, sorry. What are you thinking about?"

"What do you even care?" she snaps.

There's a rustling sound from the man where Azula assumes he's shrugging under the covers. "I don't know, I'm just curious. Usually whenever I sleep with someone we talk a little bit afterwards."

Azula pauses to consider the pros and cons of honesty. "I was thinking about a person."

"Mh-hmm. Good things or bad things?"

"It's... complicated," she manages to mumble.

There's another vague sound of agreement. "Sometimes it is. Someone you dated?"

"...Not exactly."

"Someone you wanted to date."

"...I guess. It might have been love. I'm not even sure anymore. I don't think I knew what it was at the time."

"Was it someone you knew in the Fire Nation?" the man asks, drawing on his vague awareness of Azula's past that she'd mentioned on the few times they'd spoken about those things.

"Yes. An old friend, and then I made things weird."

"It must have meant a lot to you if you're still thinking about it years later. It's three right? Since you moved here?"

Azula nods. "Yeah. And yeah, I think it meant a lot to me. Even if it didn't mean as much to her."

A silence passes over, as they both think about it. Then, "Wait, her?"

Azula nods again, but she realizes he probably can't see her head in the darkness so she decides that a heavy silence will answer his question for him.

"I uh... huh. I thought that sort of thing was illegal in the Fire Nation. Or is that why you left?"

"I never cared. Everyone knew that the Purity of Life laws were garbage anyway. Just a way to keep soldiers on the battlefield and workers in the factories."

"...I see."

"And no. I left because I couldn't stand being around her when every time I looked in her eyes it broke my heart. She was married, and after a while I couldn't delude myself into thinking we could work something out anymore."

The man doesn't even bother making a committal sound, he's too involved in Azula's story to interrupt.

"So I ran. And I've tried so hard not to look back but... I think about her so much, still, after all these years." She turns her head halfway towards the man behind her. "Is it really that hard to move on from somebody?"

"I, uh... oh man. I think all I can say is that yes, it can be that hard to move on from someone. Maybe you'll meet someone else and you won't think about her so much. Or, maybe you'll get so caught up in doing your own things that you won't have time to think about her."

"I thought I was making progress last year. I saw something about her in the newspaper and it just triggered all these thoughts and feelings. I wanted to move on then." Azula squeezes her arms as she talks, both from the cold and the anxiety. "I crossed the planet to get her out of my life. Now I just want to get her out of my heart."

Neither of them has anything to follow that up. They sit in uncomfortable silence for a while, listening to the storm. It's just as hard now as it was when they went to bed.

"Sorry," Azula says suddenly, shaking her head furiously. "You didn't come over to hear me complain about my life."

The man shrugs. "I already did what I came over here to do. Anything else is just getting to know you."

Azula rolls her eyes and swings her legs off the ground, trying to get herself back into the bed. "I'm tired."

"Me too." He lifts the blankets for her and she settles in. He scoots closer to her until she freezes in confusion. "Can we cuddle?" he asks.

"Cuddle? I suppose you're going to try and take me out for a date tomorrow."

"Come on, it's cold and you're warm. Please?" Azula searches the air for his face and even though she doesn't find it she relents, turning onto her side and pulling herself into his arms.

The night passes and they fall asleep together warmly while the blizzard rages outside.

* * *

A bit of a double feature tonight. I started writing this story based off an idea that came to me when I half-read and misunderstood a summary of a completely different story posted here, and suddenly within the last few months it has a deeper personal meaning to me. All I'll say is that it was really easy for me to write as Azula in this one. Thanks for reading.


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